Week 25: Premier League Transfer Window Shuts

A massive week's score of 39 points lands Neil Jukes the Manager of the Week certificate. His team, Decimated Left Peg, climb into fourth spot.

Meanwhile, as the Premiership transfer window slams shut we take a look to see how many of our managers are taking the opportunity to scoop up the bargains. Players who have switched Premiership clubs, don't forget, retain their original club's status for OFFL selection requirements. I.e. Robbie Keane, now of Tottenham, started the season as a Liverpool player and will remain so till the end [of the season].

Well, we wouldn't want an Administrative Nightmare to unfold would we? As it is, certain Wildcat Strike literature was found tucked under a dungaree pocket-sized jar of orange hair gel in one Umpa Lumpa locker.

Troubled times indeed.

Week 24: Low Scoring Week and Not the Heroes of '66

It seems that the Premier League has finally gone fantasy mad. OFFL officials thought it bad enough to have one A Ramsay grazing his knees on the top flight's hallowed turf but now there is a Pele. And we're not referring to P Pele of West Brom. No, we're talking about Pele. Portsmouth's new Midfielder.

What next we wonder? Maradonna looking for a house on the outskirts of Hull? Or was that J Cruyff we saw in that Wigan estate agents?

Actually it was neither. We were just trying to find an interesting opening to what would have been another dull and uninteresting Studmarks. Now on to the dull and uninteresting bits...

Managers of the Week are, thanks to a particularly low scoring week, Russ Bielby of Livercoolio, Lionel Larking of Pompey Puss and Poof of the North, Mark Norman, all of whom score an enormous 5 points.

All eyes, wincing beneath concerned and screwed-up eyebrows, are still on Metatarsenal's believably poor season. There, at the bottom of the league. And, amazingly, still in the cup. Gavin?

Week 23

Manager of the Week, notching up 17 points, is Ant Reeves. His Ant & Bex secure Fourth Place even more surely and starts to chip away gently at the lead of those above.

In the meantime, some managers may have noticed the matrix warp for a few seconds at some point on Thursday last. Indeed the Force was disturbed when the machine that drives the entire OFFL operation blew up horribly, causing irreversible damage. Luckily, the Umpa Lumpa tasked with handwriting all the documents as a back-up had just finished his week's copying, so we're still up and running. Somewhat. Somehow.

Week 22: Round One RESULTS

Manager of the Week is our leader Rick Beecroft whose RS T-Boy notched up a massive 26 points pushing them 19 points away from second place BM Mingmongs.

But what of their progress in the cup?


OFFL Cup
Round One, Results

Poof of the North 31 v 35 Two Owls
Mannschester Rovers 30 v 37 Rayner Midriff
Metatarsenal 7 v 8 Tat Mucker
Dube Stars FC 28 v 20 Giving It Some Thought
Upmintster United 32 v 12 Two-Oh-Ten
BM Mingmongs 59 v 52 Decimated Left Peg
Straw Bucharest 42 v 29 Jordan Utd
Windmill United 16 v 42 Abeerden
Olymping Macdrid 51 v 77 RS T-Boy
Woolyback Town AFC 41 v 29 Mal
Charlie's Angels 25 v 49 Inter Milandrover
Pompey Puss 45 v 30 Book My Face
Ant & Bex 57 v 51 Livercoolio FC


Which means you are through if you are amongst the following managers...

Andy Straw
Alun Edwards
Campbell Tierney
Chris Brown
Edgar Rayner
Mat Tucker
Khumbula Dube
Minty Colquhoun
Neil McConaghy
Hilary Straw
Steve Tierney
Rick Beecroft
Guy Harewood
Smasher
Lionel Larking
Ant Reeves

Congratulations.

You're a step closer to THE PRIZE!


* For some reason there have been some adjustments to some players scores. For somewhy. The OFFL can't explain this because they don't know why.

Week 21: Final Leg of the First Round of the OFFL Cup

Manager of the Week is BM Mingmongs chief, Neil McConaghy. His team scored 9 points for the week bringing his total of Manager of the Week Certificates to, well, two.

Surely this makes him favourite to beat his opponent in BM Mingmong's OFFL Cup fixture? One more week of scores to go!

OFFL Cup

Results after Weeks 20 and 21.

Poof of the North 13 v 24 Two Owls

Mannschester Rovers 28 v 19 Rayner Midriff

Metatarsenal 9 v 8 Tat Mucker

Dube Stars FC 17 v 10 Giving It Some Thought

Upmintster United 25 v 4 Two-Oh-Ten

BM Mingmongs 44 v 41 Decimated Left Peg

Straw Bucharest 39 v 25 Jordan Utd

Windmill United 16 v 33 Abeerden

Olymping Macdrid 39 v 51 RS T-Boy

Woolyback Town AFC 30 v 23 Mal

Charlie's Angels 22 v 41 Inter Milandrover

Pompey Puss 34 v 18 Book My Face

Ant & Bex 44 v 44 Livercoolio FC

And forget ye not, this is what it's all for....

Week 20: Happy Christmas and Happy New Year

After weeks of having their lead chipped away, RS T-Boy reassert themselves with a Manager of the Week certificate winning performance for Rick Beecroft of 43 points. Of course, this means the T-Boys nudge ahead of their opponents in their OFFL Cup fixture against an high scoring Olymping Macdrid.


OFFL Cup

With two more weeks of scores to go, this is how the cup fixtures are shaping up.

Weeks 20, 21 and 22

Poof of the North 10 v 21 Two Owls
Mannschester Rovers 28 v 16 Rayner Midriff
Metatarsenal 9 v 8 Tat Mucker
Dube Stars FC 12 v 7 Giving It Some Thought
Upmintster United 25 v 4 Two-Oh-Ten
BM Mingmongs 35 v 38 Decimated Left Peg
Straw Bucharest 33 v 25 Jordan Utd
Windmill United 16 v 30 Abeerden
Olymping Macdrid 36 v 43 RS T-Boy
Woolyback Town AFC 25 v 20 Mal
Charlie's Angels 16 v 38 Inter Milandrover
Pompey Puss 31 v 15 Book My Face
Ant & Bex 39 v 41 Livercoolio FC

Radnorshire Tigers, Campbellwin, Nuttingham Florist all received a bye for this round.

Happy New Year folks.

Week 19: The Cup Overfloweth

Manager of the Week this week is the lovely Hilary Straw for leading her Straw Bucharest to 9 points. 12 more than Gavin Ward's Metatarsenal. Not that we should point that out at all. But also, it may be of interest to note that everyone, bar Gavin Ward and Minty Colquhoun, made up ground on our current League Leaders.

Nice.

Happy Christmas. And Good Luck in the OFFL Cup.

OFFL Cup

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Three teams are randomly given a bye.

These lucky teams have been randomly chosen from the available 29 teams. They are:

Campbellwin

Radnorshire Tigers

Nuttingham Florist

The fixtures for the first round are...

Poof of the North v Two Owls

Mannschester Rovers v Rayner Midriff

Metatarsenal v Tat Mucker

Dube Stars FC v Giving It Some Thought

Upmintster United v Two-Oh-Ten

BM Mingmongs v Decimated Left Peg

Straw Bucharest v Jordan Utd

Windmill United v Abeerden

Olymping Macdrid v RS T-Boy

Woolyback Town AFC v Mal

Charlie's Angels v Inter Milandrover

Pompey Puss v Book My Face

Ant & Bex v Livercoolio FC

In other words...

Mark Norman v Chris Brown

Dan Manns v Edgar Rayner

Gavin Ward v Mat Tucker

Khumbula Dube v Adrian Bradley

Minty Colquhoun v David Manttan

Neil McConaghy v Neil Jukes

Hilary Straw v Grant Larking

Chris Walsh v Steve Tierney

Craig McHugh v Rick Beecroft

Guy Harewood v Malcolm Pratt

Rob Ivison v Smasher

Lionel Larking v Ashley Keeler

Ant Reeves v Russ Bielby