Week 17: Rayner's Leap of Faith

There is a Manager amongst you who doesn't believe in all this transferring nonsense. He thinks that the OFFL test should be one that lasts an entire season without tinkering with the initial selection at all. This manager happens to be in Twentieth place with little to no chance of rising much in the forthcoming weeks. His team includes a goalkeeper currently enjoying a total of minus 9 points, a full back on minus 3 and a midfielder whose managed about three minutes playing time all season.

Experts predict an early OFFL Cup exit.

In fact, the OFFL Rumour Mill has churned out a possible explanation for such lunacy: it's a really poor excuse to justify a hands-off approach, enabling the Manager to jet off to places like China so he can make a point of not taking the opportunity to pick up really cheap 64GB flash memory USB keys for his mates.

Indeed, THAT sort of manager will never succeed.

Managers of the Week are Craig McHugh and Ant Reeves of Olymping Macdrid and Ant & Bex respectively. They each steered their charges to a large weekly score of 25 points apiece. RS T-Boy is joined at the top of the table on points by Inter Milandrover who take their season's spasm of top spots too early again this year.

The OFFL Cup will be taking place over Weeks 20, 21 and 22. So get your transfers in. Or, you should be lacking one, your team indeed.

Thank you.

Week 16: Don't Stare at the Tierney

No. Don't.

It's cruel.

Do not stare at Abeerden's latest League position. It's rude don't you know.

Just walk on past.

As twelve of you Managers already have in fact.

Charlie's Angels have just tapped RS T-Boy on the shoulder to remind them of their equality in points while simultaneously watching Inter Milandrover move up on the leaders by 4 points also. Hilary Straw's Straw Bucharest made up ground on the top two too and settles in fifth place behind Upmintster United. Another minus score for Mr Ward's Metatarsenal sees them bobble about in twenty-sixth.

Alun Edwards steers his Radnorshire Tigers to a modest 13 points this week and still makes off with the Manager of the Week certificate. Meanwhile, nobody comments on what Lionel Larking's team selection spells out. Which is probably a good thing seeing as it's a bit wrong anyway.

Does anybody actually read any of this tosh anyway?

http://offl.littlesmasher.com

Start preparing yourselves for the OFFL Cup. Coming soon. New Managers welcome. Preferably another 3. That would be administratively useful.

Week 15: League Average Reaches 100!

Old age can be a mournfully painful aspect of life for a Manager's loved ones to cope with. The Manager's memories can not only distort but sometimes also completely disappear. Accuracy of judgements and opinions veer into the ridiculous only to be replaced by an unswervingly surging momentum of cantankerous outrage.

Take ageing skinhead Andy 'I Used to Run A Fantasy League Myself' Straw. Having hankered after the canter into cantankerousness himself he seems to have completed the metamorphosis into an ageing skin-and-boned Andy 'I Can't Remember The Meaning of Deadlines and Quite Frankly I Don't Very Much Care For Them' Straw.

It's a place we're all doomed to be heading towards, I'm sure you'll agree.

Manager of the Week is the youthful and spritely Smasher who, whilst not wanting to blow his own trumpet, does like to blow his own transfer quota. His Inter 'Yes We Got the Rather Feeble Team Name Gag Over Ten Years Ago' Milandrover scored 21 points to climb just one place to remain a member of the Big Four.

And finally, it's always nice to see a manager express his/her joy at being temporarily top of the table. Current League Leader, RS T-Boy's Rick Beecroft, is the latest exponent of the natural high that the League Leadership bestows. Just before it gets cruelly wrestled away from him next week. Perhaps.

[Don't stare at Mr Manttan's score this week. It's rude. Move along.]

Thanks to Craig McHugh for sending in the picture of Carlos Tevez and his Mum. Carlos' mum, not Craig's.

Weeks 12, 13 and 14

Managers of the Weeks....

Week 12: Campbell Tierney, 35 points for Campbellwin
Week 13: Craig McHugh, 20 points for Olymping Macdrid
Week 14: Rick Beecroft and Neil McConaghy, 21 points each for RS T-Boy and BM Mingmongs respectively.

And the lead has changed three times in as many weeks. Charlie's Angels, Upmintster United and now RS-T-Boy all topped the league in this three week festival of fantasy footballing fun.

Tinkety-tonk.

Week 11: A Freak Week for 'knapp Man and Robinho

A freak week from Robinho sees the Brazilian striker net 14 points all on his own creating a wooden cart type vehicle seemingly designed to transport a group of musicians all playing the "Robinho Symphony".

All this seems to have triggered the 'herding instinct' in OFFL Managers. Indeed two managers have already been unable to resist this informational social influence and executed transfers aimed at bringing the player into their teams [see email] and the OFFL HQ are preparing themselves for further knee-jerk transfer requests.

Particularly from Charlie's Angels.

Manager of the Week is Smasher who's 22 point haul can be solely attributed to a certain Brazilian striker enjoying a freak week. Can’t remember his name.

Another instant trend to watch out for is the mass transferring out of Portsmouth players based on the belief that Harry Redknapp's weekend departure will instantly cause Pompey's Premier League demise.

Now who would be paranoid enough to react to both those big news stories?

Week 09 & 10: Chairman's Shares Portfolio Plummets

It's not easy for Our Most Gracious Chairman. As the global banking crisis deepens, His bulging share portfolio is disintegrating in front of his very [bulging] eyes. Particularly, his investments in the Japanese financial markets. Indeed, those Tokyo-based banks are in all sorts of trouble.

The Origami Bank, for example, has folded but the Bank of the Ninja is still in the black. Sumo Financial has gone belly up and, according to reports, the Governor of the Bank of Karate is for the chop. And while analysts are reporting that something fishy is going on at the Sushi Bank, staff are worried that they may get a raw deal.

And, while we, here at Studmarks, make the most of these appalling gags that just arrived in a joke spam-junk [read that carefully] email to cover up our lack of inspiration this week..., [clears throat] Bonsai Bank are having to cut some of its branches while the Bank of the Samurai are just about surviving following sharp cuts. Shares in the Kamikaze Bank are still nose-diving.

I thank you.

Manager of the Week is Andy '3st 10oz' Straw with a much heavier 17 points to add to his total. This pushes his Nutts Florist up. Into third.

And Ashley Keeler finally produces the team he picked back in August. According to the highly disorganised manager it had apparently got jammed in a folder somewhere between hotmail and googlemail.

Hmmm.

We also welcome Messrs Walsh and Dube to the League. As you can see from their pictures here, they're both a couple of ming mongs. And one of them is illiterate to bot.

[Do you see what we did there?]

And as it was our current Champion, Neil McConaghy's, birthday this week here's a freebie for all of us to listen to in celebration for him...

[AND it's for cheridee great mate...]

http://www.archive.org/download/200810LFL-Philippines1/200810LFL-Philippines1.mp3

and

http://www.archive.org/download/LittleSmasher20081005/200810LFL-Philippines2.mp3

Week 08: Stretching Tierney

Manager of the Week is Alun Edwards whose Radnorshire Tigers pummelled home a massive 23 points.

Meanwhile, Abeerden are stretching their lead, and their luck with yet more transfers. Possibly forgetting that we're still only one drinkstop along this long arduous marathon route.

Interestingly, Our Most Gracious Chairman prepares for his scouting trip to Africa where he shall be screwing in light bulbs later this month. While he isn't sure he won't be returning home to a country poorer than the one he returns from, he at least can be certain that the sound of rustling papers and the scratching of pencils will greet him as more potential managers threaten to get their teams in before the start of the OFFL Cup.

Ah yes. The OFFL Cup.

There's a prize you know.

Which can be drooled over here...