Week 11: A Freak Week for 'knapp Man and Robinho

A freak week from Robinho sees the Brazilian striker net 14 points all on his own creating a wooden cart type vehicle seemingly designed to transport a group of musicians all playing the "Robinho Symphony".

All this seems to have triggered the 'herding instinct' in OFFL Managers. Indeed two managers have already been unable to resist this informational social influence and executed transfers aimed at bringing the player into their teams [see email] and the OFFL HQ are preparing themselves for further knee-jerk transfer requests.

Particularly from Charlie's Angels.

Manager of the Week is Smasher who's 22 point haul can be solely attributed to a certain Brazilian striker enjoying a freak week. Can’t remember his name.

Another instant trend to watch out for is the mass transferring out of Portsmouth players based on the belief that Harry Redknapp's weekend departure will instantly cause Pompey's Premier League demise.

Now who would be paranoid enough to react to both those big news stories?

Week 09 & 10: Chairman's Shares Portfolio Plummets

It's not easy for Our Most Gracious Chairman. As the global banking crisis deepens, His bulging share portfolio is disintegrating in front of his very [bulging] eyes. Particularly, his investments in the Japanese financial markets. Indeed, those Tokyo-based banks are in all sorts of trouble.

The Origami Bank, for example, has folded but the Bank of the Ninja is still in the black. Sumo Financial has gone belly up and, according to reports, the Governor of the Bank of Karate is for the chop. And while analysts are reporting that something fishy is going on at the Sushi Bank, staff are worried that they may get a raw deal.

And, while we, here at Studmarks, make the most of these appalling gags that just arrived in a joke spam-junk [read that carefully] email to cover up our lack of inspiration this week..., [clears throat] Bonsai Bank are having to cut some of its branches while the Bank of the Samurai are just about surviving following sharp cuts. Shares in the Kamikaze Bank are still nose-diving.

I thank you.

Manager of the Week is Andy '3st 10oz' Straw with a much heavier 17 points to add to his total. This pushes his Nutts Florist up. Into third.

And Ashley Keeler finally produces the team he picked back in August. According to the highly disorganised manager it had apparently got jammed in a folder somewhere between hotmail and googlemail.

Hmmm.

We also welcome Messrs Walsh and Dube to the League. As you can see from their pictures here, they're both a couple of ming mongs. And one of them is illiterate to bot.

[Do you see what we did there?]

And as it was our current Champion, Neil McConaghy's, birthday this week here's a freebie for all of us to listen to in celebration for him...

[AND it's for cheridee great mate...]

http://www.archive.org/download/200810LFL-Philippines1/200810LFL-Philippines1.mp3

and

http://www.archive.org/download/LittleSmasher20081005/200810LFL-Philippines2.mp3

Week 08: Stretching Tierney

Manager of the Week is Alun Edwards whose Radnorshire Tigers pummelled home a massive 23 points.

Meanwhile, Abeerden are stretching their lead, and their luck with yet more transfers. Possibly forgetting that we're still only one drinkstop along this long arduous marathon route.

Interestingly, Our Most Gracious Chairman prepares for his scouting trip to Africa where he shall be screwing in light bulbs later this month. While he isn't sure he won't be returning home to a country poorer than the one he returns from, he at least can be certain that the sound of rustling papers and the scratching of pencils will greet him as more potential managers threaten to get their teams in before the start of the OFFL Cup.

Ah yes. The OFFL Cup.

There's a prize you know.

Which can be drooled over here...

Week 07

Manager of the Week is Minty 'Ka-Hoon' Colquhoun. Indeed her team notched up a massive 22 points thanks, in main, to her robust defence and no thanks whatsoever to her favourite player for the last three years, Darren Bent, whom she won't replace however many times he appears on the bench. Unpmintster climbs eight places.

A remarkable David Manttan plummets a remarkable ten places to third from a remarkable bottom after losing, remarkably, four points from Two-Oh-Ten's total. And Gavin Ward finally scores more than a point in a week. But still lies last.

In the meantime, with the marathon well under way, the Umpa Lumpa's are getting into the swing of things. Last season's mistakes, punished by regular beatings, have so far not been repeated. Sadly.

Week 06

Manager of the Week is Lionel Larking who scores 14 points for his Pompey Pussies. Which is nice. Meanwhile Gavin Ward's Metatarsenal's overwhelming consistency means that for the third week running they pick up one point.

Watch out for Ant & Bex macheteing their way up the table without a care in the world. It's obviously been rocking the table enough to wobble Steve Tierney's Abeerden off the top. Our new leaders, Charlie's Angels, are led themselves by the transfer crazy Rob Ivison.

Can he keep it up?

According to his wife, Philippa, not for the duration.

Apparently.

So the rumour goes.

Hilary Hilarious Straw. Minus 4. Ahem.

Teams are still being submitted.

Week 04 & 05

While 'England Disunited' have miraculously morphed into World Beaters we, here in the OFFL, have entered the part of the season that always seems to panic managers into executing knee-jerk transfers, transfers which throw an intriguing light on the messy machinations of those managers' minds.

Take Charlie's Angels' very own Rob Ivison for example. Ironic to think that his family name is an anagram of Vision when he, himself, clearly shows none whatsoever. Half his transfer quota is spent already.

Though having said that, his short-term swapping madness has prematurely thrust his Charlie's into second place in the league. Slipstreaming the Tierney.

Neil Jukes's 'Manager of the Week Certificate' winning score of 19 points has propelled his Decimated Left Peg into joint third. Meanwhile, Gavin Ward's dismal Metatarsenal are already vying for the wooden spoon.

This of course would allow him to concentrate on the Cup in a few weeks time.

Meanwhile, Ant & Bex and Upmintster United both climb six places in the table while others are more considerate in their paced ascent to the top.

Current Champions, Neil McConaghy's BM Mingmongs, drop four places.

Snigger ye not.

Well, not just yet.

Team submissions keep on coming.

Week 3: My Back Hurts

Manager of the Week this week is Andy Straw who steered his Nuttingham Florist to a large 18 points. Andy is on holiday in Australia at the moment but he regularly interrupts his trip to check on how his dearly beloved Nuttingham Florist is doing in the OFFL.

Shame to ruin such a holiday.

Meanwhile, more teams are joining in on the fun/desperation, so if you're reading this and you haven't got a team in yet then don't worry, there's still time. Either that or 'Don't worry, I'll delete you off this mailing list in due course'.

Bunch of forgiving little smashers.

By the way, did anyone see Peter Crouch poke fun at Deco when Portsmouth and Chelsea played the other day? I know what you're thinking... How could anyone stoop so low......

Oh yes, the quality of Studmarks has been unnervingly unswerving over the last 13 years.

Some of you still haven't realised that a joke has just sprinted by.