...it is now

The final day of the season and an assist from Steven Gerrard carries Alun Edwards' Radnorshire Tigers those crucial two points further ahead of RS T-Boy. Just as the portly lady begins her x-factor audition.

And that's it.

Apart from the ashamed collective silence as it becomes clear that you don't have to be thin and pretty with a wide white smile to be able to sing. But you do have to be thin and pretty with a wide white smile to be able to judge those who aren't thin and pretty with wide white smiles etc etc

Basically, there's no more time left for Rick Beecroft to push on to his second League Championship.

No more time for the T-Boys.

Indeed, having led the table since Week 14, sharing top spot only thrice - with Inter Milandrover [twice] and Radnorshire Tigers [once] - Mr Beecroft's team looked set to own the bragging rights of the Derby OFFL contingent. But a stunning last two months from Alun Edwards's Tigers enabled Mr Edwards to enjoy an OFFL Cup Final and this most close of League Victories.

The League Championship. Is Yours. Mr Edwards.

And while Rick Beecroft stands there, blinking vacantly, he can't quite form the words required to whole-heartedly congratulate the Dennis Taylor to his 1985 Steve Davis. Meanwhile, the rest of the OFFL Managers rush up to shake hands with the last minute winner of the most prized prize in fantasy football.

Well done Mr Edwards, well done.

Cue stylistic montage of season highlights played over a pompous operatic performance of Puccini.

And while that plays out, relegated to a ticker tape style scrolling information bar at the bottom of the screen we see that the Manager of the Week is Andy 'Having another beer on another indeterminate hotel balcony with the Mrs now let's post it up on You Tube' Straw. His Nuttingham Florist scored a playing-for-nothing 17 points. At the wrong end of the table, Gavin Ward managed to keep just above David Manttan's Two-Oh-Ten relegating him to a season in the sin bin next year. Perhaps.

Well, this has been marvellous. Do hang around for the free canapés and cheap wine we've laid on for you. Thanks for coming. And we'll see you next year, yeah?

Week 41: The Penultimate Week

...and there we have the crux of the matter.  Of the season.

As we enter the final week's worth of play the race for the League Championship is tied at the top.

Remarkable.

It's as if Our Most Gracious Chairman had designed it so.

Having lost the OFFL Cup Final to Manager of the Week Lionel Larking's Pompey Puss, who hammered home 21 points in the week they needed it most, Alun Edwards' Radnorshire Tigers now rest in First Place on Points per Pound difference knocking Rick 'First Place' Beecroft's RS T-Boys off his, um, First Place perch.

And it isn't just RS T-Boy and Radnorshire Tigers who fight for everything on the last day of the season.  Three other teams have the potential to sprint for the line too...  Current Champions BM Mingmongs could reclaim their title while it's still not over for Inter Milandrover and Olymping Macdrid.

And without actually needing to make it sound any more exciting than it really is, we here at Studmarks should just perhaps rest this edition of Studmarks to bathe in the exquisitely exciting anticipatory light that it has managed to generate itself over the past 41 weeks.

But no.  We had to labour it for just two last paragraphs.

OFFL Cup FInal Result

The OFFL Cup Final 

Radnorshire Tigers 16

Alun Edwards

v

Pompey Puss 21

Lionel Larking

 Where it counted on the day...

          Radnorshire Tigers   v   Pompey Puss

GK E van der Sar MU   3 v  3 M Schwarzer FUL

FB P Chimbonda   SUN  0 v  3 A Arbeloa   LIV

FB  J Lescott     EVE  0 v  0 P Jagielka  EVE

CB B Hangeland   FUL  3 v  3 J Bosingwa  CHE

MF M Taylor      BOL  0 v  0 T Walcott   ARS

ST F Torres      LIV  0 v  2 D Drogba    CHE

So, congratulations to the fluffy fella and commiserations to the stripy ones. 

Lionel Larking lifts the OFFL Cup for the first time and takes the spoils back to his litter tray.  Alun Edwards, meanwhile, can't believe his Tigers came so far only to fail and fall with the last tranquiliser dart in the hind legs. 

And while Lionel can relax with a back paw in the air, licking his modified mid-table giblets, The Radnorshire Tigers' season isn't over yet.  Oh no, there's an even grrrRREATer challenge awaiting...

Week 40: Radnorshire Rise

Alun Edwards is Manager of the Week again after his Radnorshire Tigers scored 21 points, fanning the flames of speculation that hint toward a miraculous Double Winning Season. Indeed, as the Tigers climb into second place in the table, they begin the OFFL Cup Final against Pompey Puss who's manager, Lionel Larking, won last week's Manager of the Week certificate.

I know, it's crazy.

In fact, Alun Edwards tops the Manager of the Week Certificate Winning charts so far this season with a total of five this season. And if we haven't hammered the point home enough... it's the final!

Week 39

The fight for second place is getting a little crowded up there while Beecroft's T-Boys enjoy another little surge away from the melee. And it's one of this year's OFFL cup finalists, Pompey Puss, pawing over this week's Manager of the Week certificate.

Nice.

Week 41 (Week beginning 11th May)
The OFFL Cup Final

Radnorshire Tigers
Alun Edwards
v
Pompey Puss
Lionel Larking

Radnorshire Tigers v Pompey Puss
GK - E van der Sar MU v M Schwarzer FUL
FB - P Chimbonda SUN v A Arbeloa LIV
FB - J Lescott EVE v P Jagielka EVE
CB - B Hangeland FUL v J Bosingwa CHE
MF - M Taylor BOL v T Walcott ARS
ST - F Torres LIV v D Drogba CHE

The Year of the Cat

With Jagielka out injured for the rest of the season and two Fulham defensive players possibly cancelling each other out it appears that the upper hand may be gloved with Radnorshire Tigers. However the smaller feline quadruped doesn't have the potential burden of a Sunderland defender.

Both teams have
CB N Vidic
MF S Gerrard
MF T Cahill
MF Geovanni
ST A Arshavin

Results out in 2 weeks.

Week 38: Low Roots, High Ambitions

One supposes that the big news of the week could be, nay - *should* be, the battle between the pretender Inter Milandrover and Champions Elect RS T-Boy all the way up there at the top. After all, this seems to have ambushed us into thinking that we may, actually, have an exciting fight to the finish on our hands this season.

One could suppose equally that the big news of the week might have been about the high scoring 35 points picked up by Mannschester United, earning all-round nice bloke Dan 'the Man' Manns the Manager of the Week certificate.

We could possibly have been cooing over the fact that Alun Edwards' Radnorshire Tigers have leapt into a very strong third place worrying the League into discreetly taking out their strategy notepads in order to scribble down the newly circulating rumours that a Double could be ON.

But the story that we're telling today is one of low roots and high ambition [apart from the high ambition bit]. In a world where big money and high scoring grabs all the headlines; one man, an honest man, wanting a better life for his family [maybe not 'honest'], downtrodden for the most part, he now rises like a Phoenix from the Flames of Failure...

...Yes. Gavin Ward's Metatarsenal hit 17 points this week and climb off the bottom of the league and above a somewhat alarmed David Manttan who now, incidentally, has to fly back from the depths of southern Africa to reorganize his team into earning back some desperately needed dignity. Gavin's pairing of Ronaldo and Torres seemed to have done most of the leg work for him this week though his West Brom, Stoke and Hull defenders haven't really been living up to expectations this season. Well, actually they HAVE been living up to most people's expectations this season but just not Gavin's it seems. Congratulations Gavin. A mere 208 points behind the leaders. It is indeed a marathon and not, as I think we mentioned before, a sprint.

You're all very patient.

--

New Loopy Album out soon. You simply must buy it [or at least some of the eight tracks] to make this poor underachieving indie-pop band look good on iTunes. Guaranteed catchy, cheap and verging on the exclusive - well, put it this way... your real mates probably won't have a copy.

Week 37: Still tied at the top

Rob Ivison begins to claw back the 54 point lead that his Charlie's Angels have generously given the two current leaders by winning this week's Manager of the Week certificate. He begins his victory run-in by scoring 13 points. And Khumbula Dube's Dube Stars FC climb highest, two places. That's all.

That's all.

PS
Has Gavin Given In? [say that quickly, it's most pleasing].

Has Gavin Given In? Has Gavin Given In? Has Gavin Given In? Has Gavin Given In? Has Gavin Given In? Has Gavin Given In? Has Gavin Given In? Has Gavin Given In? Has Gavin Given In? Has Gavin Given In?

Week 36: OFFL Cup Semi-final RESULTS

Livercoolio's 21 point haul has meant Russ Bielby can rightfully claim his second Manager of the Week certificate. And as he pushes his band of merry merrymakers into, well, the same position they were in last week, we watch, bemused, as Inter Milandrover leapfrogs BM Mingmongs into joint 1st place, leaving the manager wholeheartedly regretting the decision to buy low-scoring Agbonlahor in place of high-scoring Arshavin. The race is wide open again.

Rick Beecroft's season seems to be unravelling as not only does he have to share top spot in the league but his dream of Doing The Double is finally over. Indeed this week has witnessed the return of the magical romance that sloshes around inside the The Cup [thanks to an unusually low score for RS T-Boys against the equally unusually high-scoring Pompey Puss]. Abeerden, however, attempted to get through to the next round by scoring less minus points than the opposition. Alas, the plan has faltered thanks to Alun Edwards steering his Radnorshire Tigers to a largely positive 17 points.

Now, everybody look at Campbellwin. Everyone stare at the manager... eek out the humility.

Minus seven points. Count 'em backwards. Minus seven.

OFFL Cup

Semi-finals, Results

Pompey Puss 15 v 0 RS T-Boy

Abeerden -2 v 17 Radnorshire Tigers

The Final...

Radnorshire Tigers v Pompey Puss

Week 35: OFFL Cup Semi-Finals

Ladies and Gentlemen. It's the OFFL Cup Semi Final Week.

Recent poor form throws some doubt on RS T-Boy's ability to carry a high-flying league position through to a Double-grasping OFFL Cup Final but the recent Adebayor transfer might just be enough. Meanwhile, the last [and only] manager to ever Do The Double, Steve Tierney, has to stop an in-form Alun Edwards and his Tigers before he can even start to think about defending that particular uniquity.

Manager of the Week this week is a fine and fabulous, purring like a Puma, Minty Colquhoun who steered her Upmintster United to a whopping 19 points. And that was without the help of Darren Bent.

Unsurprisingly.


OFFL Cup
Semi-Finals
Being played in Week 35 [w/c 6th April]

Pompey Puss v RS T-Boy
Abeerden v Radnorshire Tigers

Week 32: OFFL Cup Semi Final Draw

Manager Alun Edwards adds another Manager of the Week certificate to the one he [should've] got last week, albeit after a recount. He joins Malcolm 'Wishes He Was In The Middle' Pratt who also notched up a large 20 point haul, thanks mainly, perhaps, to Steven Gerrard's personal 11 point harvest.

Meanwhile, the boy Beecroft spits and stumbles like a red-nosed Scottish manager with a knighthood as his chart-topping T-Boys score a magnificent -2. Which briefly allows BM Mingmongs a sniff of his tail before bolting into the woods with a quick 'come hither' look over his haunches.

Indeed, the current champions had better extractus digitus pronto if they're going to make up the remaining 20 point gap and retain the title.


OFFL Cup
Semi-Finals
to be played in Week 35 [w/c 6th April]


Pompey Puss v RS T-Boy
Abeerden v Radnorshire Tigers


That's Lionel v Rick, Steve v Alun as it happens.

Semi-finaltastic.

Week 32:

Addendum: Last Week, there should have been a Joint Manager of the Week. Alun Edwards also scored 14 points. The funeral of the Umpa Lumpa responsible takes place next Wednesday. Closed Casket.

Week 31: OFFL Cup Results

As the dismal fiscal Mistral of the current climate zephyrs its way over and around the OFFLs Administrative Provençal hills, we ask ourselves if there is anything, absolutely anything, we can do to cheer ourselves up?

And all we can hear is that bloody wind whistling through the silence as if Nature herself is taunting us.

So while the Chairman looks to sell up and move OFFL HQ to premises a little more 'bijou' we turn to the warmth of our security blanket that is the OFFL and begin our collective thumbsucking.


OFFL Cup
Results

RS T-Boy 7 v 3 Ant & Bex
Nuttingham Florist 0 v 1 Abeerden
Radnorshire Tigers 12 v 1 Dube Stars FC
Pompey Puss 5 v 4 Inter Milandrover

In other words...

Rick Beecroft 7 v 3 Ant Reeves
Andy Straw 0 v 1 Steve Tierney
Alun Edwards 12 v 1 Khumbula Dube
Lionel Larking 5 v 4 Smasher

This round is a prime example of how important the Draw for the OFFL Cup actually is.

Steve Tierney scrapes past Mr Straw with a diabolical point while the Pompey Puss got the cream against the Milandrover.

At this rate the Double is In The Bag for Mr Beecroft, surely. All due respect [i.e. none] to Tierney and Edwards obviously.

Manager of the Week is Jordan United's Grant Larking, again so soon, with a mediocre 14 points. But what's the point of trying to let him know he's won the Manager of the Week Certificate when we're actually speaking to him from HIS SPAM FOLDER.

Week 30: RS T-Boy runs away

As Dan Manns picks up the Manager of the Week certificate for being, quite lampard frankly, so much better than the rest of you [what with scoring 21 points for his Mannschester Rovers], Rick Beecroft nets himself enough points to put him 31 points ahead of second place - currently occupied by current champions BM Mingmongs.

Surely this has to be the most one-sided OFFL in years. Indeed, former Chelsea boss, Jose Mourinho launched a shock attack on the OFFL by insisting that it is embarrassing that RS T-Boy is running away with the League Title.

Mourinho, whose Inter Milan side don't face RS T-Boy in in Wednesday's crunch Champions League second leg at Old Trafford, is stunned at how easy it has been for Sir Richard Beecroft's men in the league.

And, in a trademark show of modesty, he went on to claim that it would be much different if he was still managing in the OFFL.

And at that point he was wheeled away by men in white coats while the gathering crowd turned their eyes at yours truly for clearly plagiarising someone else's feeble copy to palm it off as yet another Studmarks original.

If a barrel appears in barren times. Scrape it.

Week 29

Jordan Utd unwittingly wins the Manager of Week certificate which will probably come as a complete surprise what with Studmarks making its way directly into Grant Larking's spam folder, stuttering a "...but...!" on its way past. Probably. 13 points.

Other news: Olymping Macdrid's manager, and Rafa Benitez almostalookalike, Craig McHugh has made his last two transfers of the season and now sits on his hands in hope, trying not to fidget nor to complete the Benitez illusion by losing his rag at the managers above him.

Actually, he doesn't look anything like the Spaniard but you can tell what we were grasping at...

And Week 31 will be giving us our next round of results for the OFFL Cup but Who's Zoomin' Who?

OFFL Cup

RS T-Boy v Ant & Bex
Nuttingham Florist v Abeerden
Radnorshire Tigers v Dube Stars FC
Pompey Puss v Inter Milandrover


In other words...

Rick Beecroft v Ant Reeves
Andy Straw v Steve Tierney
Alun Edwards v Khumbula Dube
Lionel Larking v Smasher

The prize is beyond most OFFL managers' wildest dreams.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0_ZJoa8VBk

Week 28: OFFL Cup Results

The Chairman has been enjoying certain aspects of this so called Credit Crunch. Not only has it allowed him to guiltlessly use those two words to explain his own stubbornly innate stinginess but it has also allowed him to squeeze in a few self-serving adverts amongst our weekly words of wisdom. So, 'Why Not Buy A Loopy track from iTunes'

http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?id=275073567&s=143444

Yes, Studmarks has finally given in to advertising. Indeed, if you 'Buy a Loopy track from iTunes You'll Be Happier Than If You Didn't'.

Dan Manns has had a stonkingly good week as he watches his Mannschester United notch up 18 points, winning him the much coveted Manager of the Week certificate. Congratulations Dan. You've moved up a place in the table too.

Not that the air is heavy with the stench of desperation but you could always 'gift' a Loopy track to someone you love and respect and make their lives happier too. All for just 79p. 'Friday in Firenze' is quite nice. It's got a cello on it.

http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?i=275074116&id=275073567&s=143444

Meanwhile Rick Beecroft's RS T-Boy's reign at the top is reinforced as they pull away from the current champions BM Mingmongs in second.

But.

Let's see how they got on in ...

OFFL Cup

Straw Bucharest 2 v 7 Pompey Puss
Campbellwin 10 v 12 Abeerden
Woolyback Town AFC 11 v 12 RS T-Boy
Nuttingham Florist 11 v 8 Rayner Midriff
Inter Milandrover 11 v 9 Tat Mucker
Ant & Bex 12 v 9 Two Owls
Upmintster United 7 v 9 Dube Stars FC
Radnorshire Tigers 15 v 11 BM Mingmongs

Father beats son; an Ant beats Two Owls; last two ladies lose out; and, the shock of the round, current league champions BM Mingmongs have been knocked out! Thanks to a jolly good hiding from Radnorshire tigers.

So, congratulations to Lionel Larking, Steve Tierney, Rick Beecroft, Andy Straw, Smasher, Ant Reeves, Khumbula Dube and Alun Edwards.

Now, wouldn't it be a nice gesture to buy your defeated opponent a Loopy track from the iTunes music store? Wouldn't it? Yes, of course it would. Click here to do just that...

http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?i=275074116&id=275073567&s=143444

Next round will be in Week 31. Ish.

Probably.

Happy Birthday to Mr Tierney Snr for this week. May it snow for you. Again. Maybe someone will buy you a new Loopy track from the iTunes music store as a present. If they click on the following link here they might just be able to exactly that.

http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?i=275074116&id=275073567&s=143444

Week 27

Managers of the Week are Hilary Straw, Minty Colquhoun and Khumbula Dube for whom the score of 6 points was commonplace. Bit of a confidence booster then for this coming week's OFFL Cup.



It's for a great prize by the way. Courtesy of Chris Tierney.

OFFL Cup

--------

Results taken from Wk 28

Straw Bucharest v Pompey Puss

Campbellwin v Abeerden

Woolyback Town AFC v RS T-Boy

Nuttingham Florist v Rayner Midriff

Inter Milandrover v Tat Mucker

Ant & Bex v Two Owls

Upmintster United v Dube Stars FC

Radnorshire Tigers v BM Mingmongs

Week 26: Good Manager Bad Manager

With the recent shock dismissal of that internationally renowned 'big' fella from the Premiership management of the Blues, it seems that all managers are becoming a little twitchy about their own survival. Indeed, since the outrageous sacking of Tony Adams by Portsmouth last weekend the world hasn't quite looked the same.



Take, for example, this week's Manager of the Week. Poof of the North's Mark Norman has, in a strange, strange twist of OFFL fate, scored a week-topping 24pts. A score that is a whole 6pts greater than the next highest weekly score. Does this mean his entire season of underperforming is going to be ignored in favour of this one-off miracle or is someone like the high-flying Smasher going to be Scolaried out of a job for just not quite making a decent enough challenge in the latter stages of the season? None of it quite makes sense. And twitchy everyone shall remain.



What does make sense is that Week 28 will be the next round of the OFFL Cup. And have we mentioned the prize for this year's winners? It's really rather desirable. Search for 'OFFL Cup Prize' on You Tube.

OFFL Cup

--------

Results taken from Wk 28

Straw Bucharest v Pompey Puss

Campbellwin v Abeerden

Woolyback Town AFC v RS T-Boy

Nuttingham Florist v Rayner Midriff

Inter Milandrover v Tat Mucker

Ant & Bex v Two Owls

Upmintster United v Dube Stars FC

Radnorshire Tigers v BM Mingmongs